Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tanya vs. Nicole

Do people really try to kick you when you are down? People do. In fact, they will kick the sh*t out of you if they can. Case in point: Back in 2006 I went to a party and got a little bit too tipsy. I knew most of the people at that shindig, many of whom were models in the adult industry. To make a long story short I did an impromptu striptease in a hot tub and then ran around the backyard naked for awhile before passing out on a lounge chair. Some time later a friend awakened me so that we could go home. Unfortunately we could not find my clothes anywhere, not even the hot pink booty shorts I'd been wearing in the hot tub. I had to wrap myself in a towel and ride home in that. Unfortunately a cop happened to notice my attire when my friend and I were going through a McDonald's drive-thru. He arrested me for both public indecency and public drunkenness just because my towel had fallen off and revealed my boobs as we were picking up our food. He probably would have also charged me with petty theft if he had realized that the guy at the drive-thru window had given us the food for free. Anyways, I spent the night in the slammer and resolved not to get quite so festive at the next party I attended. For about a year after that event I maintained my sobriety, but by early 2009 I was back in part shape again! Last week I got completely bombed at a wedding and finally crawled into bed around 4am. At 7am I woke up and called Nicole Oring because she and I had a date to train at the neighborhood ring that morning. "I can't make it." I told her when she answered her phone. "I partied waaay too much last night." Somehow I let her cajole me into coming to the ring even though I could barely walk. "I'll go easy on you." she had promised me. When I arrived at the ring I could barely do more than lean against the ropes with my head in my hands. Nicole seemed like her usual perky self. She eyed me from across the ring, smiling as she evaluated my condition. "Well, this is certainly not the first time I've seen you like this." she said. "I thought you'd given up the hard drinking after your arrest for public indecency 3 or 4 years ago." Her comment penetrated my alcoholic haze. "How do you know about that?" I asked her with genuine puzzlement. I had only told a few people about my arrest and none of them even knew Nicole. "Oh, I have my ways.. " she said with an obnoxious smirk. I stared at her. She smiled with even more malevolence. "By the way.. " she said slowly. "Do these pink shorts I'm wearing look familiar to you?" I shifted my gaze downward and tried to make my eyes focus. "They should look familiar." she continued. "I stole them from you on that night you were dancing around like a drunken buffoon at that hot tub party. I took all of your other clothes too." She let her words sink in before revealing the rest of her long-held secret: "And that cop who arrested you? I had him following you from the time you left the party because I knew you would do something else idiotic before you finally made it home." I could barely absorb Nicole's words - let alone formulate a response - before Nicole had marched across the ring, grabbed a handful of my hair and hissed: "I can't believe you were foolish enough to come here this morning... you have just handed me yet another opportunity to humiliate and destroy your stupid, blonde, big-titted, drunken self!!!" It took all of my will to muster enough strength to push her off me and prepare for battle..

See the Tanya vs. Nicole gallery in its brutal entirety at TanyaDanielle.com now!

XO Tanya


No comments: