Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Fat-girl Fetish?

Today I went to the doctor. If his scale was correct I weighed 131 pounds with my clothes on. It wasn't like I was wearing heavy boots or a backpack when I stopped onto it either. I'm not sure that I have ever weighed that much before. The pic above was taken when I was about 10 pounds lighter. I don't want to be one of those dumb broads who speaks obsessively about her weight, but I need to go on a fucking diet.

A few years ago Taylor Wane was doing my makeup for a shoot and she mentioned that she and her partner often photograph heavy female models for the fat-girl fetish magazines. Yes, there is such a thing as a fat-girl fetish. Taylor had asked several of the models if they had always been stout. All of them claimed that they had had relatively normal physiques at one time. First they put on ten pounds, then they put on ten more, and then..

I could see the tension in Taylor's face as she spoke of the subject and I smiled with amusement. At the time I was not fat and not worried about getting fat. Taylor saw my reaction and she said with urgency:

"No, really. They all said that it started with just an extra ten pounds."

I'm smiling as I remember that conversation and write this, but I do fully intend to lose the ten pounds. And keep it off as long as I'm working in a naked industry. The reality is that white women usually don't survive in this business if they are overweight. That's just the truth.

- XXOO Tanya


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